Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday
You are a newly-hired writer for the National Enquirer, a "newspaper" not known for accuracy or truthfulness. Your assignment: write an article about an outlandish topic. For instance: "I was Bigfoot's bride," or "UFO aliens abducted my dog," or something else just as weird and out there. Good luck!
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I was turned into a newt!
ReplyDeleteI was walking through the forest when I found an old cottage. There was an old lady making some strange brew over an open fire. She told me to sit down, so I did, because I was tired. I told her all about my day, but she did not seem to care. After a while I decided I would be on my way, but before I knew it she had thrown a bunch of strange dust on me, and I had started to shrink. She had turned me into a Newt!!! She must have been a witch! I ran as fast as I could. I made it safely home without her catching me. Some people say im crazy, but I did get better
Attention citizens of northwestern wisconsin. The loch ness monster has been sighted emerging from lake superior and was last seen hitchhiking this direction. He allegedly broke through six inches of ice three weeks ago, toppling four innocent ice-fishers in the process. The loch ness monster is large in stature, has fiendish green eyes, and extrmemly long toenails. Friendly towards humans, this creature will, however, abduct small pets. It is highly recommended that tiny yapping dogs are locked in cages too small for them, and housecats are kept in cellars. If one should suddenly stumble upon this gregarious monster, it is in one's best interest to stop, drop, and roll.
ReplyDeleteCHARLIE SHEEN HAS TIGER BLOOD?
ReplyDeleteCharlie Sheen's alcohol/drug abuse isn't a normal case. Charlie admits that he has "tiger blood." What the hell does this mean? As he admitted, it all started when he was a young boy. He was playing outside when the garden gnome came to life and gave him one wish. He wished to be famous and faster than all the other kids on the playground. Therefore, the gnome gave him tiger blood for agility. Then the gnome disappeared. Charlie thought that the gnome forgot about his "mous" wish. But then he found a weird plant in the forest behind his house, and ate it. Eventually (in his adult life) Charlie was under the influence of many drugs. He became VERY famous and well-known all over the news for his drug abuse. In the end, Charlie got it all!
The end.
***Charlie thought that the gnome forgot about his "FAMOUS" wish.
ReplyDeleteThe man who met the talking penguin
ReplyDeleteOut at an iceberg I’m meeting Peter and Smith, the talking penguin. They have been friends for four years now and they love to spend time together. I ask Peter to tell us about how they met and he smiles, “I spent a couple of days here in Alaska for work and one day I saw Smith walking around all by himself on the street. I expected a penguin that had escaped from the zoo, but Smith was something special. He gladly introduced himself and then it just clicked. We went out eating together and since that night nothing can come between us” Isn’t it a beautiful story!? Smith tells us about how much he loves Peter and about all the stuff he has done for him. You can totally feel the deep friendship between them. As a last question I ask them if they want to join me to the amusement park and together we leave the iceberg and heading towards the park. We get a lot of strange looks from people passing by, but the two friends don’t seem to care.
Jennifer Nilsson, National Enquirer
headline "Big foot sighted among cows in filed outside Colfax, Wisconsin."
ReplyDeleteApril 14, 2011-
Christina Loechler a resident of Colfax, Wisconsin, was digging for worms outside her house on the evening of the 12 of April.
"I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on...i was just trying to find my cat i buried last week. I can hear it sometimes a tnight and so i think it's somewhere around here"
She holds up her shovel and gives an innocent smile.
What happened next was completely unexpected.
"Well i had set my shovel down to take a short break and eat my liver and peanut butter sandwhich when i noticed some big thing in the next field over. I figured it was a cow but it was bigfoot...so..i found out what was making that cat-like sound. Problem solved i guess"
-Sierra Hinwood, paranormal reporter
CHUPACABRAS ON KILLING SPREE IN THE AMERICAS!
ReplyDeletePeople have been mysteriously disappearing over the past year. There have been numerous reports from families across the country, saying that they have no idea where their loved ones had gone. Months have gone by with no news of a find, despite everyone’s efforts. Where could they have gone? What has become of those many have been looking for so long?
Those questions have finally been answered. Just a few weeks ago, in the heart of Texas, ranch farmer Douglas Schmitt followed some strange footprints on his land. At the end of those tracks, Schmitt found himself standing not far from where a chupacabra stayed. Luckily the beast was not there, but the man was still horrified by what he saw. There he found the remains of about fifteen human bodies.
Cryptozoologist Robert Hugo, after examining the area, was shocked by what he saw. “Normally they attack and suck the blood of livestock, particularly goats,” Hugo says. “It seems that the chupacabra diet has changed. But, yes, this is indeed the nasty work of a chupacabra.”
Since then the remains had been identified as a few of those who had been reported gone missing. We can be sure that the others have been killed by a chupacabra, as the bodies have not been found. But where could they be? Could there be more than one chupacabra roaming about? Whether you want to believe it or not, what had once been a myth has now become a reality.
(See page five to learn how to protect yourself from a chupacabra.)
Miley Cyrus Isn't Real!
ReplyDeleteJust in: Miley Cyrus, the highly acclaimed Hanna Montana is actually just a hologram! Recent disputes have suggested that the actress and singer are the work of an underground agency currently researching at NASA. Mileys representative has no further comment about the alleged hologram claims.
Scientists Accidentally Turn Ants Into Giants -
ReplyDeleteScientists in New Jersey have accidentally turned the household ant into gigantic proportions and they are invading the state. Beware! They are dangerous. Do not try to kill them. Instead just gather your family and flee the area. Members of the RAID Pest Control Company are being flown in to assess the situation.