Tuesday, January 24, 2012
1-24
Today I want you to stretch your creative writing gene. Imagine that you are on a plane and sitting next to you is that one really famous celebrity that you just cannot stand. Every time you see this person in the media, you just want to smack the smug look right off his/her face, and now you have to sit next to this person for a twelve hour flight. Who is this person? What do you talk about -- because you know s/he will engage you in conversation? What happens? Be creative and descriptive!
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I was running late for my flight, so I was already in a bad mood when I dashed through the gate and squeezed my way to my seat. I had the middle seat, and the dark-haired woman sitting in the aisle seat was busy with her ipod and a magazine. I repeatedly tried to get her attention in a voice of increasing volume (to no avail), until I finally patted her shoulder. She looked up, annoyed. It was Katy Perry, the most annoying celebrity in existence! I asked her to stand so that I could get to my seat, and she laboriously complied with my request. When we were both seated, she seemed to want to converse. About herself. To annoy her, I pretended to not recognize her. She spent the entire flight trying to convince me that she wasa famous celebrity, and I played dumb the entire way. Mercifully, she fell asleep for a few hours at the end. She snores.
ReplyDeleteWhen I board my plane and find my seat a horrible realization comes to me. I have to sit next to Snooki. I frantically look around for different seat but the plane was full. I slowly sunk down into the seat and prepare myself for the longest plane ride ever. She begins to talk in her super annoying voice about stupid stuff like what kind of makeup she wears. I just mumble my answers and attempt to make it obvious that I am trying to read...she does not pick up on the signals, of course, and I am forced to listen to her for the entire 12 hour plane ride.
ReplyDeleteI am sitting next to Miley Cyrus on the plane. She isn't saying anything, and I really am eager to insult her because I dislike her. She also stinks. I rhetorically ask, "What stinks?" to nobody in particular, and Miley instantly turns to admit to me that it is her. I ask her why she smells like a carcass, and she says it is because she hasn't changed her underwear for three weeks. I am of course not surprised by this, because she looks like a grease monkey in the first place, but I still ask her why she hasn't. Miley has put her ear buds in at this point, and I can hear "Party in the USA" leaking out of the headphones. She would listen to her own music.
ReplyDeleteI was boarding the plane. This is the first flight I will ever experience so the excitement I was feeling was over the top! I sat next to the window and stared at the people below preparing the plane. Someone in the aisle clears his throat, so I snap my head to the side and see Robert Pattinson smiling very smug like in my direction. I asked him if I could help him out. He told me he only liked the window seat. Tough I thought and turned back to my window day dreaming. He sat next to me and until the flight took off he made huffy noises making it clear to me he was annoyed that I was not a screaming idiot teenage Twilight fan that would do his bidding. When finally in the air he tried making conversation by asking me what I believed was the best movie he had a role in. I simply told him I could not stand to watch any movie with him in it for more than an hour because it made my head throb so much that my head probably could have exploded if I watched a minute more of his bad acting. He then decided that he did not like me and we ignored each other for the rest of the flight while sipping noisily on human blood. When we landed and stood to get off the plane, Robert kindly handed me a brochure for his upcoming movie. Can you just imagine my excitement for that…
ReplyDeleteIt was 4:30 a.m. and I was dead tired. I have to catch my 5:00 a.m. flight and I am thankfully almost there. I am really looking forward to sleeping the whole flight because I am going to a wedding and am not going to get any sleep tonight. I walk to my gate and board the plane. I'm searching for my seat and finally find it. To my dismay, the overhead cubbies are full with very pink, expensive looking bags. There is no possible way I'll be able to fit my little bag up here. When I look down to ask the person if she could please make more room, it ended up being Taylor Swift. I instantly became annoyed and just shoved my bag up there. I sat down beside her and to no suprise, she started blabbing on about herself and her annoying songs. She talked about her endless list of love songs the whole flight. Needless to say, I did not get any sleep and I officially cannot stand Taylor Swift anymore than I could when I did not even know her.
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for my trip that I arrived two hours before my flight was about to depart. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face because I was finally on my way to Hawaii. I began to board the plane and to my dismay I see Tiger Woods sitting in my window seat and Brett Favre sitting right next to him. I told Tiger Woods that he was in my seat and the poor baby said, "I need to be by the window our I will get sick." So I sat in the seat by the isle. I asked the flight attendant for ear plugs, but she said they were all out. So the whole ride I had to liten to Tiger saying, "Man I just don't know what girl to pick. They are all so FINE! I think I'm just going to play them all. That's why they call me a player." I just about puked, but to top it all off Brett Favre started bragging about how great at football he was. He turned to me and said, "Are you a packer fan?" I said, "Yes and who are you?" He said, "Brett Favre." I said, "Bart who? Oh, Brett the one who threw almost as many interseption as touch down passes and can't make up his mind?! A-Rod's 10x more of a man and a quarterback then you will ever be!"
ReplyDeleteI was really not excited for the plane ride in the first place, but as a boarded the plane I saw that I had to sit right next to Kesha... She is so weird and creepy in person. I didn't want to get involved with her at all, so put on my headphones and zoned everyone out.
ReplyDeleteI was about to board my plane, when a flight attendant told me that I got a free upgrade to 1st class! I was so excited! I proceeded to my seat to find the Kardashian sisters sitting on either side of me. Ugh! I was so mad! I have no idea why I hate them, probably because one was married for one month and spend like millions of dollars on the wedding. Anyway, the whole time they fought over little things: the newest trends, hairstyles, and who gets to "have fun" with the hot flight attendant. I finally said 'Enough!' they both stared and me. I proceeded to tell them they have no brains, they agreed and gave me five thousand dollars. They agreed that they would get some education. They ended up getting an education, and they owed all of their success to me :) I become famous all because I told them to shut up and get a brain :)
ReplyDeleteI boarded the plane and noticed who was sitting in the seat next to me, Scott walker! ( ok so not really a celeb :) but anyways...) I sat down and didn't even have the nerve to look at him. He pulls out a legal pad and I notice he is writing down something, so wanting to know what, I peeked over and on a list I saw: stop funding for public education, raise taxes, and pay teachers based on results in the classroom. I told him that I'm okay with the last one.. And before He could ask why I was reading it I pulled out my magic wand and sent him to a hidden city far far away in nevereverfind land. Weeks later paper headlines : unions back and Scott MIA! :))
ReplyDeleteWell I just gotten on the plane, and I had noticed that there was a large woman occupying the two seats. The craft was full as it was, so I had no choice other then to occupy my time, trying to get her to spare me enough room to sit. She was Oprah Winfrey, but I really couldn't care less. She starting trying to strum up a conversation with me, attempting to make me feel bad about myself. I had the Jeff Dunham joke come up in my head as she ranted on,"Have you ever been on her show?", "No","Then she doesn't love you!"
ReplyDeleteIt would be Johnny Depps wife! We would talk about how hot her husband is and how much I think he should be mine and not hers. She will get really mad at me and throw me out the plane window but I will live. Johnny Depp gets really mad at her and divorces her and marries me! :)
ReplyDeleteIf there was one person that I can't stand the most, it is Justin Beiber. I boarded my plane expecting to have a nice long relaxing flight until the unexpected Beiber sits next to me. I immediately take a second glance becasue first of all how did we end up on the same plane?! I immediately became frustrated because I couldn't stand anything about him. He sits there flipping his hair thinking he's the best thing on earth. Of course all these little girls were drooling over him the whole time and constantly trying to climb over my seat to see him. Ugh. So much for my nice relaxing plane ride.
ReplyDeleteWhy would they try to engage in conversation with me? They are famous - I am a no body compared to them. And honestly, I hate flying. I plan on never flying on a plane again... Unless I desperately have to. It hurts my ears, and I just got really sick. All I do on plane rides is listen to my iPod at sleep, so I would assume I would just ignore them and follow that traditional routine of mine.
ReplyDeleteThis one was tough. I took a couple days to this about it and the only celebrity that annoys me is Jerry jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. When I go to my seat, he is surrounded by little maids cleaning up after his lazy self. All he would talk about is his precious team, which is actually worthless. They have been a huge disappoint the last two years. He thinks that going down a d standing on the sidelines is going to so,ehow make his players play better. He is a joke.
ReplyDelete